Habits.

 It's never too early to begin making New Year resolutions.

Although, this is not what that is. I am making this blog to track my thoughts and better understand myself. I am on a journey of self-improvement, why? Because that is just how I am awfully wired. I feel guilty for relaxing or unwinding if I feel I haven't been "productive" enough. While I know I am hard on myself, I know I could be spending my time more wisely. Learning, growing, loving. I need to start keeping track of how I am spending my time and how that makes me feel.

Today I spent 2 hrs ordering books online. How to focus and build better habits. I feel like a drug addict who has finally had enough of my brain rotting. The drug? SOCIAL MEDIA. Ironic, I'm complaining about being online but here I am....blogging. HA! what am I trying to get out of self-help books? Hopefully, I find a way to build healthy sleeping, eating, self-caring habits. 

Decluttering and keeping my house clean and organized is always in the back of my head and seems to be my biggest stressor when I am home, yet when I have the time to get to it, I don't. I always convince myself "How often do you get to sleep in? or stay in bed and do nothing all day? not very often, so put all chores and worries off for today!" 

I've been feeding that toxic thought for a little too long. While that might have been true in my younger years when all I did was work, it's certainly no longer the case. It's a sickness, and it needs to be dealt with.

MY GOAL: Spend time wisely, and feel no remorse for it.

It seems my dumb little brain believes a person should reward itself ONLY if and when it has been productive enough. THAT'S TOXIC. Hopefully, I'll find a healthy balance between being productive and taking care of myself. You cannot pour from an empty cup.